Resolutions
Almost everyone makes resolutions for the New Year. Then, by spring, many of us break them, either out of frustration or because we’ve gotten lax. As an individual with a disability, or even the parent of a special needs child, it is still important to make and keep resolutions. Why not make stronger awareness of your Self and create means of awareness of disability for others your resolution for 2010? Teach others about your own or your child's disability and abilities!
So much energy can be spent wondering when we are going to change the barriers of attitudes that still exist in the minds of employers and educators who resist hiring and providing a quality education for people with disabilities. Let’s face it. It’s become a normal way of life trying hard to understand why employers and teachers do not recognize the great value of people with great abilities – the largest minority group crossing all minority groups in the world. We, people with all disabilities, are the largest group unemployed in the United States today. It is so frustrating, but we must press on!
In addition, we wonder when medical and school systems will stop labeling children with disabilities and telling parents “don't expect too much from your little Suzie. Just sit them in a corner and love them.” I have met many young adults in my life who were told they could not and would never, ever work, but they became independent, have someone to love them beyond their families and are leading lives beyond limits. They work today in competitive areas of employment. Yet, they are daily plagued with negative labels and stereotypes held by their colleagues and friends.
I wonder why some parents themselves lower expectations and dreams for their own children. My parents didn’t lower expectations for me. Why the opposite for so many other children? There are times when the real limits imposed on a young child or even a young adult with a disability come from the parents because the mentality was passed to parents by “professionals” supposedly in the know. But, each and every child is as different as the twinkle of stars above us. No two children with spina bifida, cerebral palsy or any other disability is quite the same. Is that disconcerting for parents who seek something to compare their child to? Of course it is! Parents want the manual on their child with special needs in black-and-white so they know each step before it’s taken. But, it’s hard for parents of children without disabilities to know how to compare development. Those weight, height and developmental percentiles only tell us so much. Those percentiles are a foundation. Beyond that, every child is individual and every limitation or milestone is unique to that child.
I wish I could snap my fingers and all the misconceptions, exclusion and stereotypes would stop, but it takes time. After all, the Civil Rights Act passed in 1964, but my friends of color still face racism in the 21st Century in the workplace, in school and among general society. Ignorance and fear are deeply rooted in us, but that is no excuse. It takes time, work and conscious effort to dig it out and let acceptance take root.
For this New Year's resolutions in 2010, we as people with disabilities should begin by recognizing the world cannot change overnight and that it cannot change without each one of our hands on the wheel. We must drive the change together! We can no longer sit back and wait for change to be handed to us. We must create the change, be the change, as Mohandas Gandhi said of his people’s movement. One by one, we have the power to create great change. For far too long we have waited for the veil of discrimination to fall on its own. That will not happen. We must rip the veil away ourselves. We must create the empowered, independent images we want people to see us as being in the community. We must take our place in the community, as active citizens of the world, not just wait to be invited to the table.
I choose to focus this year on five ways we, as individuals with disabilities can begin to work on becoming agents of change and growth. Focus with me. Don't wait for others to change. Begin with yourself!
Our first resolution for 2010 must be about our self-image. So much can happen if we turn off then negative self-talk, mute out the pitying comments and negative “burden speak” we hear from others who don’t understand our lives. We have a multitude of strengths and dreams to bring into being. We have far much to give and to gain to allow others to make us feel inferior. Pity, like racism, (also called ableism) is the kiss of death for people with disabilities. We are not inferior in any way; we are just people with disabilities. We can and do participate in the same gainful life activities as anyone else, just in different ways. We are mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, wives and husbands, lovers and friends. We are just as capable of care-giving as well as receiving love and care. We are volunteers and charity providers, not just receivers in need. Find your role models, or in my case as a wheelchair user, “roll” models. Look to people like Marlee Maitlin, John Hockenberry, Ed Roberts, Mark Zupan, Justin Dart, Wilma Mankiller, Judy Heumann, Bree Daniels, Chris Burke and others who are doing great things regardless—and because--of their disabilities
We must stop listening to society and the media’s misguided notions and create our own stories and newsworthy bits to share with the world. It doesn’t matter the source of negative information. It can come from parents, teachers, medical professionals, friends with and without disabilities, or counselors. We’ve got to believe in our own skills more than anyone else and prove our worth every day. We must work on resisting pity and building strong self-love each and every day. Remind yourself everyday of the great potential you have.
Second, we’ve got to continue improving our skills. I don’t care if it means taking on new hobbies, taking classes, volunteering. We must find out what employers are seeking and if there are skills we do not have, get them. If you do not have the right skill set, you will never be employed competitively. Take that computer class at the library. Read voraciously. Learn another language. Volunteer and ask to be taught a new skill where you’re volunteering. Get to know people out in the community and learn what they do for a living; ask to shadow them at work or intern with them to get yourself job experience. It doesn’t have to be full time work if you are not able to work full time. And experience gained doesn’t have to impact your disability until you are ready to really work.
Today, whether you are technologically minded and work on computers or you’re good with your hands building things, computer skills are important. From simple keystrokes in an office or cash register to taking the machines apart, computers continue to be the wave of the future. Learn about them inside and out. In addition, you need good communication skills. In today’s world, writing and speaking are so very important. It doesn’t matter if you have a speech difficulty. Can you string words together intelligently in a sentence? Can you greet people in person or over the phone? Practice throughout your day and this will also help you make new friends!
Next, network. Get out there and meet people. We won’t change how people perceive us if we continue to hide under rocks or stay locked up in our homes. Sure, some of us need to spend some time at home because of transportation barriers or health reasons make it necessary to lie in bed, but stay in touch with family and friends. Encourage visitors and ask friends if you can go with them places. Get active on the Internet. Join online social networks that share your interests and skills for work opportunities. And there are plenty of classes that can be taken online as well.
If you can attend college, participate in all types of activities and organizations to meet employers and others in your community. Still in high school? There are so many opportunities. Even your community’s cooperative extension service provides free classes. Look them up. Many areas observe a Disability Mentoring Day that allow high school students on the third Wednesday of every October to job shadow at a company and meet business people or people working in Federal agencies. You need to get out and meet people to be known. No such thing in your area? Start one! Be the change you wish to see in your community! Have a skill you want to teach others? Become a tutor and become known for that skill! Teach others and pass it on.
Fourth, never underestimate the opportunity to volunteer. To build character, you must volunteer and give back to the community that has done at least something for you. Yes, sometimes we complain that the world hasn’t done enough, but we must give back as well and change within ourselves as well. This will also help you meet an endless amount of new people and contacts. When you get involved and do volunteer work in your community, you will shatter the stereotype that people with disabilities not only receive help but also give it. Check out your local Civitan, Kiwanis, Lions Club and other civic organization chapters who meet monthly and weekly to do charitable community work for others. You’ll also meet people in high places connected in the working world. What an awesome opportunity to build your skills for your resume, get more contacts, hear the inside scoop on work opportunities, and yes, build that character brick by brick!
Last, but not least, be a better advocate for yourself and others. We can’t wait for change to happen around us, we’ve got to make it happen. To create change, become an advocate for equality for Americans with disabilities, in the areas of employment, education, transportation, housing, services and social arenas. Join your community’s advocacy groups; serve on disability organizations’ board of directors. Attend town and county board meetings when an accessibility issue is on the agenda or put it on the agenda and ask to speak! Volunteer to speak at your school, college, or house of worship. Take the opportunity to volunteer with non-profit organizations in your community such as the Easter Seals United Cerebral Palsy, Spina Bifida Association or volunteer as a surviving example of your disability at hospitals to serve as a resource for new parents with children facing your challenges.
Also, thank service providers who give you good service. Were they particularly helpful to you as an individual with a disability? Was the parking extra accessible? Were you finally able to go to the bathroom in that favorite restaurant or was your service animal finally welcome in a store you stopped in to shop? Did they go above and beyond to make you feel like a valued patient or customer? It doesn’t matter the business or service. Write them letters thanking them. Ask to speak to the business’ customer representative and talk to them personally about what they’ve done right and that you appreciate it. I know, it’s 2010 and it’s high time that things were more accessible since the Americans with Disabilities Act was passed 20 years ago, but people are still learning and need acknowledgement when they are doing the right thing. Give kudos to those businesses and organizations who actively seek to do well by us and drop their names and examples around the businesses and organizations that still have a ways to go in improving so they have a model to work with.
And thank people who want to help. Yes, I want to do it all by myself, and it might take me all day to do it, but I still appreciate the person who stopped and asked. They aren’t sure whether to offer help and we may not be sure if we need help until we fall down. Show appreciation that you weren’t passed by, that a door was held or a smile given and give it right back. Maybe they needed it then more than you did. People are so shocked when I park my chair like a doorstop and open doors for them before allowing them to hold a door for me. I love surprising others about my abilities and what’s in my spirit. Create little surprises and opportunities to educate around you, too.
Every little move you make, every word you speak and every thought you have means volumes to making yourself and others feel good about your value in this world. Make it speak loud and clear where you want your place to be in this world.
